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August 2021: It Went Quick

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Days sick: 0
Days danced: 5
So much happened this month, yet it feels like it just flew by. There was my birthday, visits from family, and a powerful book that entered my life. I still feel like I didn’t get much work done, as usual, but I floated by okay. Every month it seems more & more ironic that when I turned 20 I started keeping track of how many days I was “sick” (had a cold/the flu), because I really thought I had that health thing figured out.

As of August, I’ve given into the weed and just take it whenever I feel the beginnings of anxiety. Trying to sit with it constantly was more draining than it was healing, and I’ve accepted that I must let what I consume be my medicine. I have this theory about too-quickly using up my dopamine and serotonin, leading to such negativity and fear by the middle of the day.

Near the beginning of the month I felt overwhelmed and tired and sad and frustrated and worried and somewhat resigned to an uncertain and somewhat painful fate. But then I switched around some supplements, did several tests, went tubing, discovered an amazing book, and attended a dance festival. Each of these choices contributed to another month of growth in empathy and self-understanding and healing. This month’s word has been grace, and she’s learning to be more kind with herself. But it IS hard.

The last news I got this month was that the chocolate festival I was looking forward to all summer was just cancelled. Sigh. Just, one big sigh. I remember spending the last moments of my birthday this year listening to a podcast in which the host interviews her 5-year-old, and tears were falling down the face the whole time; it was just so beautiful and innocent, and I wanted so badly for that to be me one day. I still do. But the only way to make that happen is by getting better, so cheers to another month of healing, I guess.

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