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July 2021: Reconnecting With Family ❤️

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Days sick: 0
Days danced: 5.5!
July was a weird month, as most seem to be, lately. It started out great, very low stress, and then the anxiety started taking over…

I felt great at the beginning of this month; still anxious, but more normal and capable of working through the anxiety than ever before. Then one night was just absolutely weird, and it seemed to set off a whole chain of anxious flare-ups. Before heading over to dance my ass off for just the second time all year, I managed to wait a half hour for the 15-minute bus ride, drop two earbuds into the sewer, and get accosted by a passerby. The next day I even got locked out of the house with the puppy & got rained on for a couple of hours!

Across the street I saw a few people taking shelter under the bus area, though, and quickly remembered that my situation could be much worse. I can afford to miss a few hours of work, and at least I had a dry, safe place to stay for the interim. And at least the dance was a ton of fun, and there’s plenty more where it came from. In fact, I went several more times this month and it was damned near magical. I never feel as strong, confident, and capable as I do when I’m dancing with great dancers to great music.

A lot of days this month ended up being very crappy and volatile, but I don’t really want Future Me to remember those parts. I want her to remember that I started confronting things I’d normally avoid due to fear or anxiety, reorganized our apartment, and rolled with the waves as they hit. Sometime you just gotta go with the flow.

But while visiting family near the end of the month, I reconnected with a cousin I hadn’t seen in several years, who’d actually been going through somewhat similar autoimmune and mood issues over the last couple years. It was nice to be able to connect over shared struggles, but sad that we were both experiencing the same sometimes-debilitating throes of mysterious illness, and even worse considering that she’s (almost to the day) half my age right now. Overall, the visit to see family up north was very chill; I didn’t get to spend as much time with my family as I’d have liked, but it was a comfortable change of pace.

I even found a favorite coffee shop just down the road! Weather was beautiful. I’m already looking forward to next summer, hopefully with everyone in better health. To a better month (and birthday!) ahead.

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